I'm okay

greetings from the natchitoches (it's pronounced NACK-idesh) parish library, where I'm using a stand up computer station because all the ones with chairs are taken. I'm lucky to have access to a computer at all, just like I'm lucky to be staying in my uncle's house in natchitoches instead of at a shelter, just like I'm lucky to have made it out of new orleans on sunday.

it's kind of amazing how hard it is for me to relax and write while standing up. I am overwhelmed by all of this, all of this, you know, the unanswered and unanswerable questions like, when can I go home and do I have a home, are all of my loved ones safe, I don't know, I just don't know, and, it's a lot like my feelings of september 2001, I have worries about my friends and family members and concerns for my own safety and uncertain future and then I am caught up in a massive guilt attack because I am so lucky, I am alive and housed, clothed and fed, I am here, I am somewhere.

this is all like nothing else I've known, it's all incredible.

it was 12 hours to drive the 280 miles from my door to the front door of the house we're in, it's right on the cane river, beautiful and weird.

mania

so, on a weekend when I have no childcare and only money enough for bus fare around town, the kids and I will be harry pottering it up, first at octavia books for tonight's party, and then tomorrow, after spending the night with a friend uptown, we'll hit the festivities at my favorite store in new orleans, maple street books.

I don't have any cash to drop on the latest book, or anything else, but hey. nash and liam are hyped up to put on their wizarding robes and see some friends, I am hyped up to get out of the house.

when we get home, we'll listen to the annual joke show of prairie home companion! come on, what a weekend!

alli

the coroner's report is finally in; ariel gore shares the news and her thoughts.

ants and others

while nick was here he got some kind of bite on his ankle, he kept mentioning it, I guess it was freaking him out, and it happened, he said, the moment that he stepped out of the van, so it began his less than ideal new orleans experience, and then we had the termites swarming and the bees buzzing and all of that. he kept calling it a spider bite, but when he showed it to me just before he left it looked like an ant bite to me. he said, do they always puff up into zitty things like that and I said, well, yeah. can it be that they don't have fire ants in massachusetts? I don't know, but I, who have had a lifetime of ant bites, am now sporting over fifty (count'em) painfully puffed up zitty things on my right leg, and a few scattered elsewhere, as a result of an anthill mishap at the fireworks last night. yeah it really hurts and it's hideous, too.
hope you're feeling better, nick...

today is a kid-free day and I am going to watch panic room, gods & monsters, and il postino. last night I couldn't stay awake during the second half of talk to her, maybe it was the benadryl, which I'd never taken before, or just leftover exhaustion, but I was unmotivated to watch the rest of it over again this morning because, honestly, I found it unenjoyably disturbing and if anyone would like to explain to me what happened in the end please do.

and we have a tropical storm, which, now that the larder is stocked, thrills me. come on, show me what you've got.

You are John Ashbery. People love your work but
have no idea why, really. You are respected by
all kinds of scholars and poets. Even artists
like you.


Which Famous Modern American Poet Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

can't be unthunk

I spent ten days in fort worth, texas. there were good times and bad. liam got sick from the gnarly fort worth air and is still recovering, double ear infection & eye infection. nash had a blast at the kid's camp. I stayed busy through good and bad times at the uu general assembly and cursed the lack of rainclouds. and through it all, alli was on my mind, a little each day. now that I'm home and it's quiet and rainy and the termites are still very much in charge of this house, alli is front and center in my thoughts again. it's not something I can run away from.

I was touched by ariel gore's account of her experience of attending alli's funeral. also, I appreciate this obit from austin:

From the Austin Chronicle:
by Abe Louise Young
It is with great sadness that we recognize the passing of Allison Noelle Crews, born Aug. 26, 1982. Hip mama extraordinaire, lesbian, writer, and activist, Allison was the longtime editor and producer of www.girlmom.com. Raised in an evangelical Christian home, Allison grew up in a family active in Operation Rescue. She birthed her son Cade at age 15, refused continual pressure to give him up for adoption, and became a powerful activist. Her story 'When I Was Garbage' describes her experiences as a pregnant teen. Allison was named one of Top 30 Under 30 Activists for Choice by Choice USA in 2003. Crews wrote, 'To radically accept and defend a woman's right to choose, we must acknowledge the multiple ways that women come to make reproductive choices. By marginalizing teenage mothers, even within the feminist community, we are failing to recognize the realities of countless women and their children.' In addition to her work as an activist, Alli had essays in the anthology Breeder: Real Life Stories From the New Generation of Mothers edited by Ariel Gore, worked at BookWoman, and attended Austin Community College. She was a heroine who found her voice within struggle, and inspired countless young women across the nation. Allison died in her home in Austin on Saturday, June 11, 2005. We grieve the loss of a young, fiery mama whose pain persisted though she worked to heal others. We honor her dedicated spirit and wish her the deepest peace. Donations to support her son can be sent by Paypal to girlmom@gmail.com. The Chronicle offers its deepest condolences to Crews' friends and family, who will honor her memory in services at the Presbyterian Church of Fallbrook, Calif., on Saturday, June 18, 1pm

off

I just pulled my contributor's copy of Mamaphiles #2: Cutting the Cord out of its envelope. and it's awesome! it's beautiful. I'm sorry that I didn't have the foresight to arrange for bringing a whole stack of them to the southern girls convention with me. but whatever, whatever, whatever.
I have to finish packing, dye my hair, go to the library, bank, post office, etc...
I'm off.

allison crews

I got a call sunday night, a local friend wanted me to hear it from a real human voice that alli had died over the weekend. I'm sick and sad and angry and thinking of everyone out there who loved alli, of all of her friends and family, and most of all her partner, stepson and son, cade.

here is a post from ariel gore:

The community is heartbroken with the news that Allison Crews, fierce
maternal activist and longtime editor of girlmom.com, has passed away.
She was 22 years old.

Her mom, Kim, asks you to light a candle for Alli.

And to do something in her name. A few suggestions from Girlmom are: Go
back to school, leave a shitty relationship, fall in love, start a
movement, be a kickass mom, get to know the young mama down the block .
. .

For the next issue of Hip Mama, if you have notes, tributes, pictures
or stories about Alli--whether you knew her personally or simply
through her work--please send them my way (even if you've already
posted them online). You can email them to me or snail-mail to Hip
Mama, P.O. Box 12525, Portland, OR 97212. Unless you need them back,
I'll send the originals to Alli's mom for Cade.

A funeral and several memorials and benefits are being planned around
the country. If you'd like information on those, please let me know and
I will make sure you are in the loop as I get details.

The cause of Allison's death is not known right now.

This is from Kim Crews:

Alli's legacy is one hurt person mended at a time. A woman who says to
herself "Yes, I can." Because someone not only said she could, but
stood with her like Allison did. Injecting strength and hope and
bravery into the sad tired heart.

A beautiful mom holding a beautiful baby . . . . her chin up and the
sun shining on her face, smiling and happy. Because she knew she had
Alli on her side.

A legacy written on living hearts. That continues when love flows from
the mommies she loved to the babies and the babies grow strong. And
they love others.

She wanted to change the world.

Safety and enough for all and happiness.

She did her part well.

Please keep me and Cade and Glen and her sister in your best thoughts.
And pray.

check in

it's been a wacky three weeks. feeling anxious, jumpy, afflicted, plagued, even.

I've been really affected by a shooting that happened in my neighborhood, that was kind of the beginning. everything else pales in comparison. termites swarming in my bedroom, repeatedly. a four day migraine. yellowjackets taking over my backyard. termites swarming in my front room. termites just completely taking over. having a hard time hanging on to my sanity, watching my friends struggle to do the same.

but right this very second, one of my all time favorite songs is playing in the next room: if you want it by badfinger. that might not even be the actual name of the song. you know what I mean. I love that song. that song is the best days of my childhood. yay.

summer is just around the corner and I can't wait to get out of town.

where the dykes are

I'm going to the queer film fest friday night, to see this program (description write-up by mags):

10pm: Where The Dykes Are - This is the buzz-worthy dyke program of the weekend, with "Michigan Fever" starting it off (about the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival - it still gives me goose bumps after repeated viewings), and "Where The Girls Are" (about the Dinah Shore lesbian extravaganza weekend) sandwiched in the middle. Both are great little short documentaries that are well done and engaging tributes to these humongous lesbian events. And then one of our programming coups of the weekend, "The D Word," a Dyke TV-originated spoof of The L Word set in Brooklyn, featuring more dykes who look like real dykes and an actual butch! Yay! Stars comedians Marga Gomez and Julie Goldman, who should be familiar to most.

yeah!

I don't think I'll get home from work in time to go to the reception beforehand, or be in any way connected enough to get invited to an after-party, but input on what I should wear is always appreciated regardless...

rainy days and mondays

rainy days don't always get me down, actually. my only trouble with rainy days is how cranky they make everyone else. anyway. today is hard. here is a quiz.

bookish people's meme

from just about everyone, but especially kateadelle)

1. Total Number of Books in My House:
OK. approximately 700 plus 190 kid's books. I counted all of the kid's books and one section of my own, and then multiplied it by ten (as the total of equitable stacks or shelves is 10...).

2. Last Book Bought: I very rarely buy books. think, think, think. oh! when I was in brooklyn in january I bought The Lovely Bones for $3 because I needed train reading.

3. Last Book Read: I just finished uh... Termination Dust by Sue Henry. it's an alaskan mystery, the one with the trooper who is in love with the sled dog racer. or musher. whatever. I'm in the middle of What You Owe Me and also another alsaka mystery by John Straley, who writes the ones with the troubled, alcoholic private eye living in Sitka. I've always been romantically attached to Sitka.


4. Five or Six books I've Read That Mean a Lot to Me:
Crime & Punishment
Walden
Rubyfruit Jungle
Cat's Eye
Franny & Zooey
Summerhill
Harriet the Spy
okay, okay, I'll stop...

shrunken road trip

I thought I might go to atlanta today. I'm not. I'm going to mississippi and then coming home. okay.
meanwhile:


You are 'Gregg shorthand'. Originally designed to
enable people to write faster, it is also very
useful for writing things which one does not
want other people to read, inasmuch as almost
no one knows shorthand any more.

You know how important it is to do things
efficiently and on time. You also value your
privacy, and (unlike some people) you do not
pretend to be friends with just everyone; that
would be ridiculous. When you do make friends,
you take them seriously, and faithfully keep
what they confide in you to yourself.
Unfortunately, the work which you do (which is
very important, of course) sometimes keeps you
away from social activities, and you are often
lonely. Your problem is that Gregg shorthand
has been obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

for all the rabid quiz takers

take the league of pissed off voters survey today! or, soon, before friday night.
"for a chance to win an mp3 player and our hearts!"

Liam

is being damn near intolerable this evening, but this morning he totally made my day by marching around the house saying:

I'm the president of the united states, everyone listen to me! I'm president of the united states, everyone listen to me! actually, my mother is the president of the united states, but she lets me assist her sometimes, so everyone listen to me!

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Sibling Main Gauche of Loving Kindness.

Get yours.

but let us not forget


My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother/Sister Flaming Cricket Bat of Patient Non-Dualism. What's yours?

bill

hafta share that yesterday morning nash and I were snuggling in bed and he told me his dream, which was that:
he was at my parents' house and someone knocked on the door and it was "the tall, skinny guy with the glasses from freaks and geeks" (bill!) and then when nash opened the door wide, he could see "all of the other characters" were standing on the porch, too.

ha!

okay.

my weekend in fort worth was an adventure in not being able to find a whole lot of food that I could eat. but otherwise, things were good.

I like the unitarian jihad thing. I had to let it sink in.

here is an american language meme. I mostly talk like a yankee. I already knew. they started influencing me a long, long time ago.

Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English

30% Yankee

10% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

right now

Nash is reading The Phantom Tollbooth out loud to himself. Yesterday he read from 8 in the morning until just before midnight, only taking breaks to eat and use the bathroom, and finished volume I of The Secrets of Droon, one of the sevreal books he was given for his birthday.

Liam is hammering nails into a piece of wood, while singing this (very broadway show-ish) song of his own creation:

I am going to survive
I am going to survive
because I want to!
because I talk to!
I am going to survive
I am going to survive
they want to hurt me!
they want to curt me!
I am going to survive
I am going to survive

everybody knows

moving is hell. even nearly a month later. it still sucks.

but, read this:

Seventh Annual Southern Girls Convention
June 17-19, 2005
Baton Rouge, Louisiana

WHAT IS SOUTHERN GIRLS CONVENTION?
----------------------------------
The Southern Girls Convention is an annual grassroots meeting for
networking, organizing, educating, agitating, and activism, devoted to
empowering women and girls in the South and furthering the struggle
for social justice. Each year's convention is hosted by a different
Southern community and facilitated by local organizers. Past
conventions have brought together hundreds of folks in Memphis,
Tennessee; Louisville, Kentucky; Auburn, Alabama; Athens, Georgia; and
Asheville, North Carolina.

This year's convention will be heading as deep South as you can get:
Southern Girls Convention invites activists from across the country to
meet in BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA on the weekend of June 17-19, 2005.
Hundreds of activists will meet for discussion, action, and
entertainment devoted to building pro-woman community in the South.

WHAT CAN I DO THERE?
--------------------
Southern Girls Convention is based around discussions, workshops, and
presentations which give participants the opportunity to share skills,
share ideas, discuss important issues, organize campaigns, and have
fun as a ommunity. All workshops are organized and facilitated *by the
participants themselves*--that means *you*!. Other events will include
a talk by Southern bi feminist musician MAGDALEN HSU-LI, an "un-shop"
swap meet, nightly music shows, and tables for participants and
organizations to display information, zines, art, and things they have
made.

SGC also allows hundreds of activists from across the country to meet,
network, strategize, and organize in their efforts on behalf of social
justice. Feel free to bring video projects, zines, writing, and
anything you are interested in sharing to the convention.

Past workshops have included:

* Group discussions on fatphobia, abortion rights and access, radical
parenting, "100 Years of Revolutionary Wimmin," the criminalization of
women, "Queer and Trans Youth in the South," gender bias in schools,
sexism in the activist community, "Marginalization and Tokenization
within the Grrrl Movement," roles and strategies for boys in the
struggle against male supremacy, and "Radical, Southern, and All Fired
Up--Where Do We Go From Here?"

* Skill-sharing on radical cheerleading, community access television,
gun safety and self-defense, workplace union organizing, screen
printing, sexercises, Internet organizing, and how to start a
consciousness-raising group.

* Organizing meetings for campaigns from Amnesty International, the
Coalition of Immokalee Workers, and Planned Parenthood, and
state-by-state caucuses for people to meet fellow organizers in their
own area.

FOR MORE INFORMATION:
---------------------
E-mail: SGC'05 Organizers: organizers@southerngirlsconvention.org

sunday in new orleans

this is where I'll be if my kids are recovered from their horrible, pitiful, debilitating bronchitis by then:

Everyone is invited to the 2nd annual

International Women's Day Festival

om Sunday, March 13

3-7pm

at the Blue Nile on Frenchmen St.


The festival will feature music, dance, poetry, speeches, vendors,
resources, and local women's info.

See you there and please spread the word.

Organized by the New Orleans Women's Studies Consortium, a group of
local women's studies practitioners and local feminists who seek to
bring the work of women's studies and the message of feminism to the
New Orleans community.