Wednesday, December 31, 2003

I feel like I've been to hell and back.

on december 17th I took my four year old to the ER in mississippi, where we were visiting family for an early yule celebration. he'd been sick since the previous afternoon with fever and vomiting.
Liam got a quick diagnosis of meningitis, and
then spent about 36 hours in the NICU, until the diagnosis could be narrowed down. By Thursday evening, he was coherent enough to begin voicing his passionate dismay at the whole situation and we could see then that
there was no doubt of him pulling through. The treatment involved a ten day stay, though, so
they moved us into the pediatric ward and there we stayed. Liam got better fast -- it was one of the many surreal aspects of the whole thing.

I think it was friday afternoon - our second day in the ward - that my sister
went out and bought a tv/vcr combo for us and installed it in his room along with many videos, some of which I would never allow under ordinary circumstances. but that it was this is. it is unlimited access to offensive disney videos and hormone laden chocolate milk from enslaved cows. it is letting him hold the remote. it is whatever he wants, whatever gets us through.

there was one nurse who made a comment about the video watching each time she comes in, she seemed to think he was watching too much tv and I'd always bite my tongue while thinking, lady, I have here a kid who, as soon as he was well enough to know what was what, spent much of the day crying about how much he wanted to go home.
if watching videos all day keeps him from counting the hours, what's it to you? of course the same nurse made an uneasy comment about "all of the witchraft" in harry potter, so, yeah... whatever.

When he was not watching his favorite movies
(those would be Little Bear,
Harry Potter, Kiki's Delivery Service, and, much to my chagrin, The Road to El Dorado (what was rosie perez thinking with that movie?)), Liam enjoyed walking the halls, playing with the adjustable bed controls, and... opening mail! We were lucky enough to get lots of letters and packages from friends and relatives.

I fended off the attentions of the hospital chaplain several times. this was our conversation on december 22:

him: how much does your baby understand about
me: well, not much because we don't celebrate
him: oh, you're jehova's witnesses?
me: no, we're unitarian universalists.
him: oh... well, I am not familiar with
unitarians, but I'll respect
your religion.
me: thanks.
him: I'll keep praying for you.
me: thanks.

all of this time, Liam was growling at him. half an hour later we respectfully declined a group of candystripers who wanted to come into
the room for some bedside carolling.

now, we're home, having a quiet new year's eve and Liam is fully recovered, energetic and completely back to normal. me, I feel like my head is floating somewhere above me, like the stress and fear of this whole adventure is only beginning to settle on me like a big weight.

I'm tired.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

I did not try to get this answer... but I didn't try not to either.

gender nazi
You are a Gender Nazi. Your boundary-crossing
lifestyle inspires awe in your friends and
colleagues. Or maybe they're just scared you
will kick their asses for using gender-specific
language. Either way, the wife-beater helps.

What kind of postmodernist are you!?
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Monday, December 08, 2003

I have $25 left for groceries or anything else I (or mbd) may need before saturday morning. we won't starve, but I hate that feeling of knowing that I have no easy out. I have to eat what's here. and no fancy gingerbread latte at my favorite coffeehouse for me when I take nash to kung fu. and no taxi to or from rosana's gig wednesday night - if I have no ride I just plain can't go.
I want to be able to save that $25 for friday morning's shopping trip of ingredients for cookie dough and maybe egg nog.

I sent liam downstairs to get a muffin, I told him they are in the plastic bag near the milk. he came back with stuff on his face and said he couldn't find them... a half an hour later I went down with him and he said, I couldn't find them so I just ate color candy powder. turns out he ate a baggie of colored sugar intended for cookie decorating - probably only a tablespoon in there, but still. I guess I'm just lucky he didn't go for the baggie of raw chicken.

I have to go the library to return videos. last night I fell asleep at 9 with nash reading to me. I woke up at 12:30 and watched happiness, because it is due today and I have renewed it 4 times already. what a painful, sad, ugly, disturbing film. great music.

Saturday, December 06, 2003

my orders:
How should you dress today? by MidnightVampress
Shirttube top
makeupno blush, light foundation
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

my reality:
shoes just wool socks now, doc marten boots when I was out
shirt red long sleeved stretchy t-shirt
bottom olive green trousers that are way too big
hair hat head
make-up chapstick

what if I just posted this every single day for the rest of my life?

Friday, December 05, 2003

the regionalism meme

born and raised in florida, by a native floridian and an early childhood hoosier transplant, with many a summer spent on the gulf and in louisiana bayou country.

1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks? a canal, a creek, or a bayou, depending on where we are and whether its more nature or humna made
2. The thing you push around the grocery store? shopping cart
3. A metal container to carry a meal in? lunch box
4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in? frying pan unless it's an iron skillet
5. The piece of furniture that seats three people? couch
6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof? gutter
7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening? porch - usually a front porch
8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages? soda
9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup? pancake
10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself? sub or a py-boy, depending on the bread
11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach? bathing suit
12. Shoes worn for sports? sneakers
13. Putting a room in order? straightening up
14. A flying insect that glows in the dark? firefly.
15. The little insect that curls up into a ball? roly poly
16. The children's playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down? see saw
17. How do you eat your pizza? with my hands, pointy end up to the crust. I rarely eat the crust.
18. What's it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff? yard sale
19. What's the evening meal? supper when I was a child, now I usually say dinner
20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are? basement but we never had any where I come from
21. When you are waiting at the bank, you are standing ____ line? in
22. In a school, if you want a drink of water, where does it come from? water fountain
23. What are the chocolate things that you put on ice cream called? sprinkles
24. Place where you put your towels to dry, above the boiler? huh?
25. Piece of cloth with which you wash your face? washrag
26. Day after Christmas? just that, the day after Christmas
27. Thing women (mostly) use to tie their hair back with: Ponytail holder
28. An unusually heavy rain which does not last long? this is not so regional, but in my family we call it a "fucking monsoon!" or a "fucking torrential downpour!"
29. A window covering on rollers that pulls down? window blind
30. A new, limited access, multi-lane road? interstate highway
31. Heavy garments worn for work? coveralls if they are the ones that you know, cover AlL; overalls otherwise.
32. The area in the house where people usually sit? living room or front room
33. paper thing you carry something home from the store in? grocery bag

Thursday, December 04, 2003

the temperature is dropping, fast, and I'm about ready to start baking cookies.
I'm getting excited about attending the bonfire on the levee.
the kids say they are ready to put up our yule lights on the front porch. I spent two hours at work making flyers for our winter holiday fair, and our mitten tree project. I cut and pasted many, many images of trees and logs other greens in use throughout history to celebrate winter's arrival and the return of the sun.
saturday night will find me coring 25 apples for the kids at church to use in the advent garden spiral.
so, yeah, except for the fact that I prefer "pagan-friendly atheist UU" as my religious descriptor, this quiz is pretty right on.

Deck the Halls
You are 'Deck the Halls'! Let's be honest, it
isn't Christmas you are celebrating, is it? In
fact, you know full well that there were no
shepherds in the fields in December, and that
the date of Christmas was put at midwinter
specifically to coincide with the older
celebrations of Yule and the birth of Mithras.
An unashamed Pagan, you take great glee in the
number of carols referring to holly, evergreens
and Winter's end, and will sing them with
gusto. You know where they really came from.
And you do enjoy the seasonal celebrations,
regardless of their name... A merry Yule to

What Christmas Carol are you?
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Tuesday, December 02, 2003

how I make hot chocolate:
I coulda got the idea from anywhere, I guess, but the truth is that it came from a martha stewart kids holiday edition two years ago: take equal parts cocoa and white sugar, mix mix mix them together until they are totally blended and put it in a jar. that's my cocoa mix and I now make some up each time it gets chilly out. a cup of soy milk in the microwave and then stir in the powder... however much looks right. if I'm making it for all of us I'll heat the milk in a pan on the stove instead... I'm not making like it's healthy or anything, but it is way cheaper than prepackaged hot chocolate. this morning mine is embellished with leftover thanksgiving whipped cream.