Monday, September 01, 2003

I woke up with a migraine today. although I must say, it's been since june, so that's pretty good, considering that for most of lastyear, I was getting them monthly like clockwork.
liam was overwhelmed by his party and I feel bad about that. I'm relieved that less than half of the kids we invited showed - he reached his limit at about 4 friends, so it would have been hellish if devlin, pearlie, jobeth, mia, silas, eli, adeline, sofia, vivian, felicity, julian and isabella had been added to the mix... although if the weather had been cooperative and we had been able to go out back as well as indoors, I think he would have been more okay with it. and what a contradiction he is - convinced that his birthday wouldn't be for real unless he had friends over, singing and blowing out the candles, even though he didn't really enjoy the process.
my birthday when I was 4 or 5 (no one remembers. it's a curse having a better memory than your parents) ended in disaster as a result of over-celebrating... I don't rememember the first two parties, but the last one was at my maternal grandparents house, with most of my mother's six brothers and sisters gathered around, and when the cake came out, and they were all singing and looking at me I just couldn't take it. as I started to sob I heard my mother say, "it's her third birthday cake today, I guess it's too much..."
when I got a couple of years older, though, I longed for big birthday parties. I always wanted a surprise party.
ow ow ow my belly hurts. I say "belly" because it is both my stomach and my guts that are in an upheaval. I feel tentatively that it was the pizza. after a week of carefully avoiding dairy, I had pizza with my dad last night. I find it typically ridiculous of me that I didn't eat any of liam's cake because it had butter in it and was frosted with cream cheese (my favorite!), but then ate three slices of gooey pizza with my father. now my stomach hurts, my guts are twisted, my head aches and I'm all stuffed up. so there you have it: I really should get back to my early twenties lifestyle of reserving dairy for special occasions only. that was so much easier then, when I mainly lived on restaurant food of the chinese, thai and jamaican varieties.
back to birthdays:
I get sad when my birthday goes unobserved. I always want a party or something, a little something special. my favorite adult birthday was 25, when saasha and aimee threw a party for me at their place, and at least a hundred people were there, I really felt the love.
what do I want for my birthday?
a night out. a lot of nights out! a girlfriend. the new puffy amiyumi cd, and some yeah yeah yeahs, something by the donnas, and some rufus wainright (at camp, john played this rufus wainright song for me - maybe it's called cigarettes and chocolate milk? - and I was like, is this neil finn? no! rufus w.! I am the last, it seems, to discover rufus w.)... time, immortality, good health. high quality non-dairy cream cheese, a lifetime supply of edensoy extra vanilla. regular babysitting. free photo processing. a professional massage. my friends all around me.

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