Tuesday, March 30, 2004

seven oh six ay em.
I went to sleep at 9:30 last night. liam went to sleep during a story (peter pan) at 8, and then I read nash another chapter of harry potter & the chamber of secrets and sent him to settle down and let me read. and by 9:30 I was nodding off violently, doing that thing where you just give your eyes a little rest in the middle of the page...

I still get defensive about how much sleep I need. or, I've had a resurgence of defensiveness about it since hitting my thirties. it has nothing to do with age - I've needed to make sleep a priority since I was 18, since I spent a year as a semi-invalid with chronic fatigue. that year, I called myself an inVALid. and I felt like my life was over.

so I get defensive when folks talk about turning in early meaning that they, or I, are "old." for me, the only part age is playing is that I have the wisdom and deep investment in self-preservation thing going on. I know what it feels like to be sick all the time. and I know that if I get overtired, I will be mean, sad and ultimately, sick. so I make not getting overtired a priority.

but 9:30! wow. that's unusual. and I have these feelings of I should have been writing, I should have been cleaning, I should have been doing yoga... but I was sleeping. and I feel okay.

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