super size this

I went yesterday and saw super size me all by my lonesome.
I have to say I loved and hated it. I am constantly pissed and amazed at the inability of so many seemingly bright and creative folks to speak out against all that is evil about this culture of fast food and give me convenience or give me death and etc. without being hateful towards fat folks. homeboy skimmed right over some big issues - skinny middle school girls eating nothing but fries and soda for lunch, for example, and a comment about the diet industry being huge while pro-active attention to one's health is made difficult, but still he focuses a lot on the "obesity epidemic" business.

anyhow.

mcdonald's. when I was little, the closest mcdonald's was in downtown fort myers, 40 minutes from home, so we only went there now and then, and when we did, we'd squeeze the insides of the french fries out for my baby sister to eat. when we ate out, it was usually for chinese or pizza. or that mexican place near the beach. the split rail. I still recall their enchiladas.

when I was a starving teenager, I was all about subsisting on fries and a soda, or making one wendy's chicken sandwich last all day. in my teens and early twenties, it was a tradition for my friends and me to go to mcdonald's on new year's eve and gorge on fries. I'm not sure why. when I was 16, I ate at the mcdonald's in helsinki even though I was extremely embarrassed to do so, because all of the other restaurants in walking distance of our hotel were way out of my price range and it was hours until dinner. when I was 20, I ate at the mcdonald's on boston common once because I was so very over the painfully correct and critical group I had been stuck with for traveling companions, I was sick of their whining about food and so I went, I had a quarter pounder with cheese and I enjoyed the hell out of it.

watching the film nauseated me, though. I couldn't finish my popcorn. I came home and urged mbd to stop giving the kids chicken nugget happy meals. and I wish I had a live-in girlfriend who was a vegan chef, damn.

we went to whole foods this afternoon for some staples but also a few things for the trip to texas. so that we won't be stuck with so few non-junk options. nash asked me why healthy food is more expensive than unhealthy food. lately he is very concerned about everything - is it healthy? is it okay for me to eat some not healthy things as long as I've eaten some healthy things? I am torn between feeling like it's good for him to have an awareness of nutrition and worrying that I'm making him neurotic.

mmmmm. I'm sleepy. the kids are watching the hobbit and eating burritos. I just ate a bowl of evil jungle prince and drank a second emergenC. my ear hurts again. I am tired and cranky and have that wouldn't you like to get sick itch in the back of my throat.

but, today we went to the aquarium and then toured a dredge vessel that's docked in the quarter. a great big ship, it was cool to go all the way to the top of it. we were stir crazy after so many rainy afternoons. well, the kids were. I just want to sleep. I want them to go to sleep so I can watch lost in translation.

I remember this rankin-bass animation from my childhood. I saw it on tv, just before reading the book.

You're a Speak & Spell!! You nerd, you. Just
because you were disguised as a toy doesn't
mean you weren't educational, you sneaky
bastard.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

8:04 AM and I'm the only one awake.

my contacts are uncomfortable; I've been recycling the same pair since november.

yesterday I spent a ridiculous amount of time online, being unusually productive. I got major things accomplished for camp, for work, for my summer travels. I spent a lot of time on the amtrak website.

the kids and I now have a ride from DC to camp, so that we can take the train there instead of all the way to NY. this is excellent, because we had no good chance of a ride from NYC to camp, and the train trip from NY to albany was murder last year. so was the hour spent in penn station. to no longer have the fear of those experiences hanging over me, it's wonderful. I feel way less anxious about the summer in general.

BUT: I still need a roommate and a hotel room for long beach, and that's big, that's very big. I am trying to be hopeful about long beach but I fear that it may be the most difficult part of the summer. last year, boston sure was.

liam just woke up:
"I had a bad dream. a dragon ate me."

my neck. is so. sore.
my kingdom for a chiropractor. or a massage therapist. or whatever.

the kids are watching young frankenstein and eating chips and guac for dinner. we had a large meal at 4. this is the eating style I prefer.

it's unusual for me to blog more than once a day - I'm generally more of a once a week blogger - but today, I have to. I called up someone I'd met a few weeks ago at unschool group, well, we met online via a mutual friend, then met in person at unschool group for nash's birthday, and then made plan after plan to hang out... between her four kids and my two, something was always coming up to prevent our getting together.
last thursday, we finally met up and went to the aquarium, but everything was stacked against it being an enjoyable experience for us: there were at least four school groups having field trip days; three out of our six kids were irreparably cranky; and we encountered several pointlessly rude childless folks. my favorite of those encounters was the lady who announced with a scowl, as she walked past our group of howlers, "well, when you have too many, you can't keep them happy!" gee, thanks, ma'am. aren't you sweet.
our visit was cut short due to mass hysteria among the children, and today I realized a whole week had passed. I wanted to call her up to make sure that she knew I hadn't been scarred by the experience. the first thing she said was that she was surprised (relieved?) that she hadn't read about it in my blog!
nah, it wasn't that bad. I mean, it sucked! but I've been through just as bad. and at least it wasn't raining. and nobody puked. so there you go. we'll try again.

there is a gw bush coloring book exhibit at fair grinds (is it fair grind or fair grinds? anyhow, that coffeehouse by the fairgrounds) tomorrow night, but will I make it? probably not. and son del pantano is playing at the family friendly happy hour at the mermaid lounge, too. will I be there? highly unlikely.

liam slept from 8:30 til 8. for which I am thankful. right before he went to sleep, he was watching kiki, he had thrown a massive hysterical fit on the walk home from the park and was worn out, wore me out to the extent that dinner was toaster waffles (organic! on sale!), and he said, "my belly is already asleep, and that means that I had better go to sleep now."

in the past couple of weeks he stopped calling me "mom." for which I am thankful. I hate to be called mom, by anyone. mama is not so bad, but mom I dislike. or the dreaded mommmmmyyyyy. ugh. I grew up calling my parents by their names and nash has always called me by mine, except for the mum-mum-mah of babyhood, and then, at just under a year, his first nickname for me of whooo-zat, caused by his father pointing to me each time they came to pick me up from school, asking the baby, "who's that? who's that?" but when we moved here, liam was just turned two and, for all of us but mbd, it was our first experience with total immersion in mainstream culture via the busy neighborhood playground. on the playground, every woman is mom or mommy. and so, by two and half, liam was calling me mom. mommy if he was scared.

I'm relieved that it's ended with no effort on my part. I think if he knew it bugged me, he'd never have stopped...

my neck is still sore, it has been for two weeks now. I am at a bit of a loss.
I'm sick of this.

we're going to target this morning. for more new drawers. and toilet paper, saline solution, and a bra. once the underwire has popped out of place and is poking you, it's hopeless, right? I mean, is there any chance for repair?

I am reading the almanac of the dead and the next carol o'connell thriller: crime school. I like the word thriller. I don't own the album, thriller, and never have wanted to. I think the song sucks and the video, too. although I do enjoy billie jean.

the kids are watching scooby-doo. later today, I am unplugging the cable. I have told them that after today, we won't have cable anymore. I have not told them that I am doing it on purpose - not that I made up a lie, just omitted some details. just said, well, after today we won't have all those channels anymore, but we'll still have pbs AND now that we have a dvd player, we can watch all kinds of great movies. and they are pleased. nash wants me to rent the sound of music! my strange little child. mister tough guy who loves musicals.

the cable is something we have for free. which is why I have never unplugged it, I always feel like, oh but it's free, we might as well... and at first I really enjoyed it, especially the TLC & food network shows. but I'm over them. lately all I watch is bravo and various movies. seems to me now that I can see whatever I really want via netflix and pbs. and the kids' addiction to cartoon network & disney & nick really drives me nuts. better the sound of music every day than that.

right now I have disc 1 of freaks & geeks, pete's dragon and tipping the velvet, which I am saving to watch with rosana in celebration of her first year of grad school.

when I'm finished with freaks & geeks, I'm going to discover six feet under. then I'll be cool. sure. hey. who needs friends when you have tv?

(this is from last night)
all of the food talk and all of our issues that come with it, it's reminding me of the film Eating. I saw it all by myself, one fine afternoon at the dollar theater in atlanta, musta been 1990 or 91, I think 91, and anyhow, it was a first step for me in saying yeah, I have a problem, I have issues, all those times I said I wasn't hungry, hello, I was lying, this is who I am.
and afterwards, I went to the grocery store and when I walked in I felt so good, like, I can buy whatever I want and I'm going to enjoy it! and then I just walked and walked around, I couldn't bring myself to get anything. I walked home crying and thought, okay, it's okay, I'm kind of fucked up but at least it's out in the open now, and it's going to be okay.

but also

I nearly forgot that it is post poetry day. I always feel particulary poetry illiterate, but here are two of my favorites.

this one, that always reminds me of my former roommate, jamie, who was inclined to make every household note into a poem:

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

-- William Carlos Williams

and, my childhood favorite (it had special meaning for me, as a sea captain's daughter):


Wreck of the Hesperus

It was the schooner Hesperus,
That sailed the wintery sea;
And the skipper had taken his little daughter,
To bear him company.

Blue were her eyes as the fairy flax,
Her cheeks like the dawn of day,
And her bosom white as the hawthorn buds,
That ope in the month of May.

The Skipper he stood beside the helm,
His pipe was in his mouth,
And he watched how the veering flaw did blow
The smoke now West, now South.

Then up and spake an old Sailor,
Had sailed the Spanish Main,
"I pray thee, put into yonder port,
for I fear a hurricane.

"Last night the moon had a golden ring,
And to-night no moon we see!"
The skipper, he blew whiff from his pipe,
And a scornful laugh laughed he.

Colder and louder blew the wind,
A gale from the Northeast,
The snow fell hissing in the brine,
And the billows frothed like yeast.

Down came the storm, and smote amain
The vessel in its strength;
She shuddered and paused, like a frighted steed,
Then leaped her cable's length.

"Come hither! come hither! my little daughter,
And do not tremble so;
For I can weather the roughest gale
That ever wind did blow."

He wrapped her warm in his seaman's coat
Against the stinging blast;
He cut a rope from a broken spar,
And bound her to the mast.

"O father! I hear the church bells ring,
Oh, say, what may it be?"
"Tis a fog-bell on a rock bound coast!" --
And he steered for the open sea.

"O father! I hear the sound of guns;
Oh, say, what may it be?"
Some ship in distress, that cannot live
In such an angry sea!"

"O father! I see a gleaming light.
Oh say, what may it be?"
But the father answered never a word,
A frozen corpse was he.

Lashed to the helm, all stiff and stark,
With his face turned to the skies,
The lantern gleamed through the gleaming snow
On his fixed and glassy eyes.

Then the maiden clasped her hands and prayed
That saved she might be;
And she thought of Christ, who stilled the wave,
On the Lake of Galilee.

And fast through the midnight dark and drear,
Through the whistling sleet and snow,
Like a sheeted ghost, the vessel swept
Tow'rds the reef of Norman's Woe.

And ever the fitful gusts between
A sound came from the land;
It was the sound of the trampling surf,
On the rocks and hard sea-sand.

The breakers were right beneath her bows,
She drifted a dreary wreck,
And a whooping billow swept the crew
Like icicles from her deck.

She struck where the white and fleecy waves
Looked soft as carded wool,
But the cruel rocks, they gored her side
Like the horns of an angry bull.

Her rattling shrouds, all sheathed in ice,
With the masts went by the board;
Like a vessel of glass, she stove and sank,
Ho! ho! the breakers roared!

At daybreak, on the bleak sea-beach,
A fisherman stood aghast,
To see the form of a maiden fair,
Lashed close to a drifting mast.

The salt sea was frozen on her breast,
The salt tears in her eyes;
And he saw her hair, like the brown sea-weed,
On the billows fall and rise.

Such was the wreck of the Hesperus,
In the midnight and the snow!
Christ save us all from a death like this,
On the reef of Norman's Woe!

By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

(this is from yesterday)
in light of the jazz fest rain-out, zack, who was visiting, has gone and all I have left of him are these dinner leftovers. I'll eat them later.
I went to work, and the bank, bought supplies for sunday and then went to the movies. I got there at 12:40 and so my choices were dogville, monsieur ibrahim and goodbye lenin. I chose goodbye lenin and found it sweet and sad and funny. the general scene at the theater was also funny - heaps of tourists here for jazz fest - it's pouring down rain and they are at a loss. the place was packed. packed out, dude, as they say.
there was a 15 minute popcorn delay while they popped more and it was amazing how irked some folks got over this. I just sat and waited. my fresh, hot popcorn was well worth it.
as I went in, a disgruntled couple was leaving in the middle of eternal sunshine, the guy was saying, "it's just not enjoyable!" well. as I left afterward, a couple was exiting dogville, the woman proclaiming, "it was horrible. horrible!"
me, I called zack and learned that he had gone ahead and hit the road. he doesn't like the rain. I walked through the wet quarter, dodging dumbasses with umbrellas. I went to walgreen's, also packed, and got hair dye, mane & tail conditioner, deoderant, new sunglasses and a copy of instyle.
here I am, dye on my head, um, some shade of auburn, I don't recall, by garnier. do they say cut then color or color then cut? well, anyhow, I washed, then colored, and then I'll deep condition and check out how much of the ends really need cutting. my goal is to cut as little as possible.