hello from camp, world.
writing from camp feels like writing from the freaking moon or something. so, so far away.
I love that when I sign on to blogger it says, "welcome back, super."
the weather up here is finally delighting me by being the opposite of new orleans. tonight there is this mighty wind (yes, I said mighty wind) blowing, cool and strong and loud. I love it.
dig me:

Which John Cusack Are You?

free will astrology again:
I predict you will be in a hearty, even triumphant mood in the coming week, Virgo. There'll be few if any loose ends. Unfinished business will either complete itself or else reveal to you how to wrap it up simply and quickly. However, even if you have to pass through a moment or two of dark doubt, it's essential that you stay committed to your mood of hearty triumph. Please write down this poem from Tony Hoagland and carry it around in your wallet: "No matter how you feel, you have to act like you are very popular with yourself; very relaxed and purposeful, very unconfused and not like you are walking through the sunshine singing in chains."

sounds doable.
in three days time, I'm getting on an amtrak to spend thirty hours in a tiny compartment with two young children, both of whom have double ear infections. I can do this. I even have battery operated, noise making toys to help ease things.

I cut liam's hair last night, at his request. he's been asking for a month, except that he'd ask but then he'd say that he actually wanted his hair to grow as long as mine. it was well on the way! but he became more sure after the bosotn trip. maybe this has something to do with the cough drop that got stuck in his hair while we were on the road.
it's his first short hair cut. although it's still long by some people's standards. it's sort of a curly version of christopher robin. it's lovely. but I am sad for the end of his being mistaken for a girl. I think being mistaken for a girl is good for a little boy, and vice versa.
and now that I think of it, I guess nash's first short cut was around this age, almost four.
I don't have any pictures yet, of the haircut. I still have no film in my camera! the buy film item on my to do list stayed undone the whole trip, so no boston pictures, nope, none at all. I hate that.
It's pretty clear that I'm not going to LA. mbd has THREE DAYS OFF in a row! because I was going. but now I'm not. but I am taking those days, thank you! oh yes. now what will I do with them? I wish our car was in better shape so that I could just send them - the kids and their father - away for those three days. dude, that would rock.

$383.
right now the cheapest ticket to LA and back is $383.
not good enough.
which is really sad.
if I get to go, this will be my first non-working vacation in...
forever maybe?
at least since the alaska trip of 1992.
damn.

rain rain rain.
the rain is my favorite thing about today.
no, rosana rescuing me and bringing me home is my favorite thing about today.
the not so favorite things:
*I'm running on one hour of sleep.
*my eye is itching again
*it's become clear that the chances of me getting to LA next weekend are slim to none,
as flights have gone up and way, way beyond my $200 budget.

dash it all.
the kids are doing me the great favor of silently watching the wizard of oz
and eating graham crackers.
bless cable tv and graham crackers.
I am fiddling around online to keep myself from dozing off.
but oh!
Liam just fell asleep. merciful heavens, yes!

just today, we got home.
it's overwhelming.
I still haven't read my mail, there is a stack of it.
the kids are very happy to be back in their own space - we all are. they've made themselves a nest of pillows and blankets and are being very sweet to each other while watching pbs kids. I guess we'll go to the fireworks... considering that we only have to walk a few yards to get to the choice seats, why wouldn't we? oh right, because of mosquitoes...
it was a rough trip home. liam was sick. he puked all over himself day before yesterday, driving through pennsylvania. more on that later. It will take me a while to decompress before I can review the trip, the conference, everything. I am drinking a bass ale in my pyjamas. hair pulled back, glasses on. I'm soaking up the air conditioning and eating chocolate.

from tracijean:

1. I am happiest when: I am well rested and in the middle of a good book
2. I feel lonely when: I want to talk to someone and everyone I call and/or run into is busy, busy, busy. this happened tome big time on my first day in boston.
3. The ideal relationship would be: I have no idea!
4. Favorite movie(s): local hero, tapeheads, lone star
5. Favorite author: jd salinger, martha grimes, margaret atwood
6. What makes you cry: anything that touches me, really. and laughing painfully hard.
7. Introvert or extrovert: ex ex baby
8. Do you think too much: is there anyone who answers no? no.
9. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be: I love living here in new orleans but I'd like a better/bigger house... and I'd like to try another conuntry sometime.
10. A famous person you would like to meet: famous people make me nervous. I wish I could be all Yoko Ono and meet someone tremendous without even realizing that they're a superstar... as it is, when it happens I'm tongue-tied and stupid.
11. Do you believe in organized religion: believe in it? its existence is irrefutable... at age 13 I woulda said no, but as it is, I am proud to be a unitarian universalist, and, without organization, we wouldn't be able to walk the walk.
12. Pro-life or pro-choice: choice
13. Are you a vegetarian: naw
14. Do you support the death penalty: naw
15. Do angels or demons exist: i don't care!
16. What would you most like to be doing right now: eating a large order of thai food which includes spring rolls, tom kar gai, and a tall thai iced tea. this would be consumed to the background of noise of kind hearted children playing cooperatively with one another.
17. Do you have any regrets: of course
18. Sex or love: is the premise here that one can't have both? or are we supposed to be prioritizing?
19. Favorite coffee: iced mocha, soy milk, whipped cream
20. Brand of cigarettes: uh, cough, hack, wheeze...
21. Favorite scent: vanilla, cookies baking, lavender... no incense.
22. What REALLY makes you mad: rampant clueless classism amongst new age liberals
23. Favorite way to waste time: this is it
26. What is your best quality: is anyone qualified to answer this?
27. Are you currently in love/lust: prepetually, but only mildly.
28. What's the craziest thing you have ever done: the time in 1997 when I was pretending to be alice goldfarb in order to rent videos certainly made me feel crazy. I didn't have her card, but she said it'd be okay. I said I didn't have it and couldn't recall the number, and they asked for ID. I said I'd forgotten my wallet. they asked for my social scurity number. I said I didn't have it memorized. they asked for my birthdate. I thought I might pass out from embarrassment. I said, "I'm lying! I'm sorry!"
30. Any bad habits: yes. procrastination is at the top of the list (although my fast food habits are probably doing me way more harm than any deadline missing ever could).
31. Do you find it hard to trust people: yes and no, sometimes, sort of, sure
32. Do you ever doubt yourself: of course.
33. Last book you read: I'm in the middle of Savage Inequalities by Jonathon Kozol and The Blood Doctor by Barbara Vine
34. Last thing you bought for yourself: lemme think. yesterday, we were still on the road. I guess the last thing was that cheeseburger with a dr. pepper at wendy's in montgomery, alabama.
35. Bath or shower: I like a long, sweaty bath followed by a quick shower. I like to read in the bathtub.
36. Favorite season: fall and spring when it gets crisp. sweater weather.
37. Porn or erotica: porn doesn't interest me, although the porn reviews in the bust magazine sex issue sure did.
38. What is your favorite flavor: basil
39. What is your favorite time of day: night
40. Gold or silver: silver.
41. What is the lamest pickup line someone has used on you: "so, are you what they call alternative?"
a close second: "are you italian?" (uttered while staring at my unshaved armpits)
42. Silk sheets or cotton: I don't think I've ever slept on silk sheets
43. Any secret crushes: all the time
44. Do you ever feel you are insane: there are moments
45. Favorite style of music: style schmyle.
46. Favorite film genre: dark comedy
47. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, would you do it: I guess, why not?
48. What do you desire most in life: joy, freedom, health
49. Do you believe in destiny: you're my density!

but my goodness, look at this week's, from free will astrology:

The World Health Organization says that a good diet should consist of no more than 10 percent sugar. Lobbyists for the sugar industry disagree. They maintain that you'll be fine as long as no more than 25 percent of your food and drink contains their favorite product. In regards to your current needs, Virgo, I disagree with both assessments. Since you're in a phase when you need to toughen up, strengthen your will, and think leaner and meaner, I believe you should temporarily limit your sugar intake to 3 percent or less.

well yesterday took a real dive when I got hit by a two ton migraine. it was unreal. unreally awful. the blinding pain prevented me from noticing that my sinus situation is much improved.
today I feel good. only slightly sneezy. no eye watering attacks today, or yesterday.
still no luck finding a plane ticket to LA for $200 or less. I looked at expedia. I guess I can only keep looking.
I need babysitting for evening programs in boston and I don't know where I'll get it. saturday night is howard zinn, I don't think he'll appreciate liam interrupting him with loud assertions about how he doesn't want be there. sunday night is julian bond. friday night is dan savage. I need babysitting, dammit.
last night ethan made a wicked pad thai. I have been eating more healthily in this house than I have anyplace outside of camp for years and years. it's nice. although I'd say a big juicy hello to a cheeseburger right now.
sarah came over and took me grocery shopping. you know your migraine is bad when a 9 months pregnant toddler mama feels sorry for you. we replenished the stuff we've been super-consuming and got some pricey treats like cheese puffs, samantha juice shakes, that sort of thing.
tonight we're going to kristina's for a potluck-pool thing, nice. not that I'll be swimming, but the kids will love to. I think.
I think I am pretty much well. I look well. I was looking rough while we were on the road. no time to work conditioner through my hair, so it was a mass of tangles covered over by a mass of frizz. now it's lubed up and my skin looks a lot better, too.

I need to get back to looking for a ticket. but look, this is ridiculous:



Typical Lesbian:
You are basically the poster child for lesbianism.
You're kind of a tomboy, but you have your
femme tendencies. Youre a "happy
fellagirlie"!


What Kind Of Lesbian Stereotype Are You???
brought to you by Quizilla

greetings from providence. it's "hot" (meaning, nothing like home, but not cold).
today the kids reverted to their normal schedules all of a sudden: liam up at 7 AM eastern time, nash up at 9:30. I was hoping the time zone change induced snoozing til 10 would last.
now that I finally got through all of my camp email, the muppet movie is over and I have no time to write lest liam destroy ethan & julie's home.
I hope I'll hang out with sarah & kristina today. I need to buy groceries. we've drunk up all the soy milk, eaten all the cheerios...
my sinuses have been killing me. so far, today is a little better, maybe thanks to the coldcalm stuff, I hope so, I hope for anything that will help without making me crazy.
I don't feel guilty about letting the kids watch a lot of videos while we're here, because liam is pretty homesick and familiar movies seem to help. he's acting out pretty badly. so, I do feel guilty for disrupting his life with this trip, but I don't feel guilty for letting him watch movies...
they've watch totoro the past two nights, and yesterday afternoon we watched spirited away.
we're all needing baths this morning, so that's my goal to accomplish before noon. uh oh, it's 11:51 and I'm still grubby.
the trip, the trip is a story for later. to sum it up, (delightfully) cold weather and bad food. rushed and stressful and bah. I love road trips. a bad road trip insults my very soul. I mean it.

the zine layout is something in the neighborhood of 95% finished. Nash came in and brightly said, "making another calendar?"
hah.
last time I did the zine, he said he wanted to make one, too, and asked for paper. he folded it into a book, but wasn't interested in writing or drawing on it. interesting.
I remain ridiculously sneezy.

have to do this one again...

Where is my Mind?

You're smart, shy, and often nonsensical. You have dreams of being famous, and you're quirky enough that you just might pull them off. Some would call you a genius, others would call you insane, but in reality you're pretty well-adjusted. Take a vacation once in a while- it'll help take your mind off of your troubles.

Which Pixies song are you?

no change in a year.
is it sad that my most pressing quiz is the pixies song thing?
another rainy-sunny-hot day in paradise.
five days til I head for new england.
I'm debating taking nash to see finding nemo, if I find the time, that is.
he and liam are building a world for themselves in the event that they accidentally get shrunk a la george shrinks. hey, anything can happen. I don't believe that, but they do.
my next few days are all about details, like getting more packages of contact lenses, mailing back the non-fitting clothing (apparently made for hipless, breastless girls) to delia's, sending in my mama gathering registration, finishing up issue #5 of my zine, getting all of the pre-school curricula stored away at work, and more, more, more.
some key trip things are getting some books on tape for the kids and some jonathon kozol books for myself. I want read some of his work before I see him.
and for the record: still sneezy.

still sneezy here, even before I spent a half hour up to my elbows in soap, ground herbs and essential oils. it's the patchouli that really gets to me - I don't know how anyone can stand the stuff. even more baffling is that I myself was a big patchouli wearer from 1989-90. gross, man, that's just gross.
but whatever. I'm off to a little show today, upstairs at fair grinds coffeehouse, and then for some high quality hanging out with friends.
nobody will be even a little bit surprised that I am the sissy kind of pirate. arrrr. don't hurt me.

You are The Cabin Boy

You, me lad, are an activist! You will not only change the world, you will make a dyed-in-the-wool Pirate dream of you in a sheep costume. You are the embodiment of the love that dare not hoist its sail! Ahoy thar! You could make a two-patch Pirate turn his head - but then he would lose sleep over it and what good would that do anyone? An innovator, you are WAY ahead of your time - and everyone else's. You are sensitive and artsy-fartsy. You say things like, "artsy-fartsy" but there is always a slight giggle in your voice when you say it - like Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares delivering a staggering punch line. Speaking of "punching" the only "punching" you would do is punching up that outfit with some accessories - say, a little bandana and some glass beads. You're not the Pirate we want in a fight, but we want you there for the crying game that follows! You go, girl.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

I have a cold. it's bad, very sneezy, sore throat, fever, weird, burning eyes. it's been a rough week, so far. a number of disappointments. nine days til boston, and so much to do. no time to be sick, but here I am. at least it's raining. that feels right.

I was sitting there at the playground, congratulating myself on a whole month free from migraines, when I noticed my eye felt a little dry, so I reached into my bag, pulled out a small, white bottle and filled my right eye with...
ear drops.
yeah, it really smarts. grapefruit seed extract and glycerine were not meant to be in my eye. it's raw and puffy, and I'm stuffed up from the constant tearing.
I need to stop carrying the ear drops around with me.
rosana and I went to the mall today for lingerie and it was so damn fun. forget victoria's secret, man, I am all about marshall's from now on. not that I bought anything today, but next time, that's where I'll go.
I need to work on on the zine I need to work on the zine I NEED to WORK on the ZINE.
but I made two new dolls instead! heh. a night owl doll and a dressed for going to the movies doll. I wish they had pyjamas like mine own. I wish they had one with blue flannel men's pj bottoms and a faded black aerosmith shirt from 1989... or flowery boxers and a holey pink REM shirt from 1987... or a shorty set with little fruity cocktail illustrations all over it...

the intense right-on-ness of the free will astrology site is frightening me:

"Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood." So said pioneer psychologist Carl Jung. If you think what he said is true, you should take action immediately, because you're in imminent danger of being well understood by at least two people. If on the other hand you're confident you can handle the odd sensation of being seen for exactly who you are, do nothing other than what you're already doing.

here's to the angstiest.


You are Lindsay. Navigating your 80's high school
is hard. Never popular, you opt for freakdom
over geekdom. Still, you hope an end is in
sight -- never really comfortable in either
role, you live life to the angstiest and know
that better days will come.


Which full-of-angst female TV teen are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

tonight, right now maybe, X is (are?) playing at the shim-sham, and me, well, I am clearly not there. I have to voice my annoyance and disappointment over that, but let me be clear: things in general are good.

how thrilling and amazing and just plain good it is to see that suess had her baby already!

yesterday we went to the zoo with the kids from church, and it was good, hot, exhausting, wet. my children are really only interested in splashing at monkey hill right now, and then getting something cold and sweet.
liam said something to me about peeing in the water, and we had a weird little conversation, but I thought it was just a spin-off from all the uptight parents who would walk past telling their kids, no, no, that water's not for swimming in, it's SO DIRTY... and one mom did loudly call it "pee pee water" as she dragged her little monsters away. so the next thing I know, liam is perched high upon a rock, peeing like a freaking statue, you know?
other than that he and his brother were pretty civilized and had a nice time. it's lush and gorgeous, but I miss the atlanta zoo, honestly. in spite of the total lack of splashing available there. I miss the gorillas and the ben & jerry's, the playground and the cheap-but-lovely carousel, and being able to walk there and go to the deli afterwards. but the deli is gone for good and it's likely that I could never afford to live in cabbagetown or grant park again anyway, not anytime soon, and I'm just angsty, I want my 1997 back, I want to do a better job of it, enjoy it more. you can keep 1998 and most of 99.
for weeks now I've been working on writing down my 1990s. it's hard. it hurts.

I feel like it was maybe 3 years ago that I took this test before... and I took all those other spark tests, too, late into the swinging moss point, mississippi night. and some people I know were happy to see me officially called a politician (although is it the writing it down that makes it official?). in spark.com terms, my old friend/nemesis were exactly the same, and I was declared 100% compatible with someone I wasn't really on speaking terms with at the time.
but this little test: they've changed it. it's disturbing. but, I mean, I think it's kind of better. it's nice to be disturbed. and yet my score is pretty much the same.
the graphic isn't working for me, but let it be known, the spark says I'm 53% slut. and they didn't ask the things I would ask... well, not all of them.